Thank you darling!

I love you..

hahahaha...

(:

As it strikes 12, my heart starts beating quite hard...

Am I nervous?

Am I excited?

Nah…

As usual….there is not much difference of celebrating someone who had turned 1 year older from the previous year.

When I came to think about it, it starts to make sense though.

It’s just that you are getting older, that’s all…

What is there to be happy about?

Because when you get old, soon you will die, right?

And this year, Hatreziee welcomed herself with a big surprise on-coming her birthday…

I felt disappointed, broken, still

How do you feel when your father vented anger on you and simply talked about things that are so sensitive and illogical!?

Must he really say that?

I knew that he do not want to create any conversation with me still, so as to be safe- not to get each of us back into an argument again.

Well, if that is the way he wanted, fine. I’ll feel the same way too then.

But why must it be during the days before my birthday?

That was why I realised that I do not usually feel the same way as what a 17-going-to-be girl felt during her birthday.

There will surely be at least 1 incident that will happen to destroy everything.

But why??

Now it seems that I am fucking invisible in his eyes.

Or he would either talk to me through a conversation with my mum or my sister.

Will these days get any worse?

Sigh… maybe it is just the fate of being old…

*I’m here without you baby…*

When Hatreziee finally tells off to her dad, “Just say that you had been wanting to kill me”

I don’t even understand why he must get into the conversation between mum and me. Why must he get so intimidated by a topic that has never got to do with him!

And he had repeated the same damn thing again…

And asking stupid questions…

And that was the fucking argument that had started my day!

For a start of becoming a 17-year old girl, senses and situations are telling me that I am going to be worse throughout this year AGAIN!

Fuck! Is 2009 going to get any worse!

I am already tired of crying

Tired of creating any scars

Tired of arguing with the person whom I HAVE to respect

Tired of wasting my money buying those unhealthy sticks

Argh, Fuck!

Maybe, it is time for me to realise that I can’t be alone at this point of time.

When I look back at the previous year, I had somehow love the way when I had my loved one (s) always being there to support each other and not having the feeling of being left alone.

Could I be considering to be going through ‘that’ past again?

Though I admit that I still miss ____

Blablabla……

K, stop it!

Bye.

lalalala...~

i am trying to accept the things around me...

FUCK!

i miss my friends :(

i miss my internet :(

i miss my sisters :(

i miss smoking (wth!)

i miss piercing :(

i miss emoing :(

i miss my ex. (heh..)

Random shit baybeh..!

cos' this shows im bored -.-

:)

When I thought that she had changed, I was wrong and I wanted to become the best for her.

When I thought that she had been more open-minded, I had accidentally took advantage of it and had never been giving the chance BUT I still want to become the best for her.

When I decided to repent, she will never realised and I still want to be the best for her.

When I created a sin or a mistake, she will always traced it and I got an extra curse BUT I know I still want to be the best for her.

I just wished that she will stumbled upon this blog and read this final post which I don’t even know when can I ever post it.

Though, she should have known it WAS a common thing. It’s part of growing up.

Tell me, what WAS the use of going to seminars and motivation talks when you still repeat the same thing, practising the same damn thing when you know it will never change a single thing.

Right now, I know I can’t rely on anybody anymore. This is because I know typical people will never understand. God knows.

Can I rewind the cycle of my life? Turning me back to a small innocent kid? Never wanting to grow up? Nah..

So, in this point of time, I usually type out my feelings and expressing out through posts.

Oh shit! I have to end this now because I sensed that I am starting to get teary! :p

Hah! And fyi, I had gotten myself addicted to those not-my-type-of-songs like;

Lady Gaga – Just Dance

Ida Maria – I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked

Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl

Katy Perry – U’re So Gay

Hah! LOL.

-random pic taken from rp open house! heh...

K bye.

2008 had been a bitch. Situations happened one after another. Bad ones. It stinks when our loved ones getting apart from our life. Everybody had been talking shit. Acting shit. Just whatever thing that they do had been- Whatever shit!

But. 2008 had taught me enough:

2008 have made me realised that I have 2 groups of friends –fake and true ones.

2008 taught me to be cautious with my temper.

2008 taught me to let out my deep feelings to people.

2008 taught me to change to be a ‘good girl gone bad’

2008 taught me to be independent –as in being lost and getting my own self to be emotionally-distracted

2008 taught me to appreciate love although I don’t feel myself loved throughout.

2008 reminisced of an unforgettable ‘nice date’.

2008 let me learned to be cautious with everything that happened –because we don’t even know that the ‘decent-looking’ person and who always been smiling at me, is that someone that will backstab me to death.

2008 also make me realised that I cannot believed that the hug that I gave is the end of our love.

And 2008 made me think that I still have a loving family who can guide and support me throughout.

And 2008 made me think of the ups and downs and memories that I had with my lovely friends although I don’t really get to meet them throughout the loooong holiday.

Well... I am not a perfect person.

I’ve done mistakes too.

I’ve created sins to god too.

I’ve made someone heartbroken too.

I’ve hurt myself enough by doing things that I am not supposed to.

I’ve caused someone to be guilty for my stupid and lame reason.

I’ve created a devil in me...

Therefore, ongoing the year 2009, I decided to try to correct back my mistakes.

Try to be someone that everybody like.

Try to lock my negative feelings again.

So,

In this year 2009,

My resolutions are to:

Excel in my further studies

Improving my bad behaviour towards peers

Not getting too emotional

Be universal once in a while

Quit smoking

Not being a bitch to make a person guilty and heartbroken

Be more disciplined

Ohwells... I know it’s kinda late to be posting about this. I know I promised to post something proper, so this is it. Still, I don’t care if I had not been blogging or not. I’ve been feeling lazy to update though.

But, to tell you the truth, I am feeling nervous plus excited for 2009. I don’t know why but I feel that I don’t want to say goodbye to the past. Sigh. I decided not to put about guys or relationships in my resolution list. I don’t want to be too hopeful for the year ahead. I don’t want to plan for a relationship though. Let it be fated :)

*I really miss my friends. What a holiday we had... and u guys are so ‘hiatus’. Fuck.

**Damn you! Why the fuck you ask the question? I am feeling guilty since then. To miss or not to miss? To love or not to love? And now I’m teary again. Fuck!

[Sorry If There’s Any Sarcasm Created In This Post. Didn’t Mean To.]