i want to ignore the sorrows and the things that kept haunting me at night..

if i still kept on crying every night, 'they' will see the scar..

i want to stop thinking all the confusion in Friendships and Relationship..

i want to stop thinking about him and my other friend..

i've changed into a different person, and i dont care

i want to continue smoking.

i want to get myself wasted

but, i want to love my family..so will there be a difference?

note to self:

to my beloved bitch,

for God's sake,

please change..

you are supposed to lead us, and yet, you are making everything worse!

if you hurt them, you'll hurt me too..

sister, i love you..

~why do bfs have to act like jerks??

dear GOOD ppl, just count me out, if you have to, cos it will always be the same or even better..

Random siot aku!

will update the details next time...

but i had a fun day out yesterday...

but im desperately needing 'it'

and i think someone just forgot something really important and i am disappointed...

dang!

will be having 1 final science paper and thats it! no school!!

yeah baybeh!

haha...well i admit that i began to slack for this paper...

but i always promise myself to study at nite....hah!

had a complicated day yesterday..

my nephew was having his bad mood and his 'dying' to buy this stupid toy that he saw on tv..

-.-

i told him that i will find the toy fer him..

BUT!

instead, i went to lot 1 to buy lip rings and lip stud at Bluez for Bayo and 'accidentally' forgot to find that sicko toy fer my nephew..haha, evil me..

but in the end my sister bought the toy for him after his 'begs' towards his mummy... wth!

well..went on a 'short trip' to yewtee yesterday and met up with Bayo to pass him the stud and rings that i bought fer him..bought him a spiral but he lost one end of the head..same fate like mine..hurhur...

but at least it was kind of me to sponsor for him la k..hah!

lepak with him for a while and i think hes kinda irritated cos i always talk abt 'someone'..haha

plus plus the insanity and craziness in me....lols

but at least i felt better talking about emotional stuffs...blablabla

well, thanks to him for willing to listen and advising about my emotional life...haha

heh, surprisingly, he still remember about the 'fieldtrip'..lmfao...(oi! sponsor tau! haha)

aites...till here then...wanna continue revising...ehem!

bye ppl! will update more soon!

(:

I have been wondering..
Why am I having this feelings..
This situation…?

Why am I always shedding these tears every night…?
Always crying whenever I listen to that song..
Its your fault for letting me hear that song..
Its your fault for singing to me before you go..
Its your fault for stating the meaningful lyrics to that song…
Indeed, its your fault BUT it makes me misses you more and more…and loving you more…

Its kinda weird cos it has never happen to me during the past..
Is it a good thing or..?

When I imagine the future, these negative thoughts will begin to haunt me…
And I still keep the text message that you sent on that fucking day when you were having that fucking mood..

There will always be the devil side of me…
An I am not surprised if you too, have that devil side of yours too..
You know…I am always be the ‘good girl gone bad’
I felt bad..
I felt scared…
Will my sucking attitude destroy everything? I hope not…



Sigh…
I realised that I have changed for the worst..
I know I am an ungrateful daughter…

Cos if I am,
Things at home will not be happening as what it is now…
I could be labelled as a ‘bitch’ like her…
That’s why mummy became so disappointed in me and had cried because of all of my sucking attitudes towards her…

I was distracted for a second on that day…
And its not because of him…
Not because of friendship…
But because of mummy who had suddenly became so emotional on that day and it is really worrying for me…

Will I lose everything?
Will I prove anything?

Nothing feels right nowadays..
Maybe except for the cheerful faces of my beloved friends that had always make me less emo now…
And except for my hot boyfriend who is still loving me…

Gosh..
Why must this be happening when he’s not with me..
Why must this be happening when my exams still going on.. (lucky its gonna be fucking over)
Why must this be a messy situation and why must it be full of complications?

I don’t want the same things to happen again…

Well..
I had really been praying during the examination period..
BUT. Are my prayers be accepted despite the sins that I had done..
Despite the sucking attitude that has been the worst of me…
Despite everything that has changed…

?????

Haiz..
I just hope that everything will goes back to the way they were…
Even though it could take a long time for it to heal
Even though it could be a little different…





Lastly.
B…
I am missing (rinduing) you….
I know…
You told me not to be emo when you are away…
But things suddenly happened…
And it happened when u weren’t here with me…
But.
No worries, syg..
I did not do anything stupid…

Whenever I am feeling lonely,
I would surely hear the song…
Sigh…
I hope……………..erm…nvm…

B…
I’ve got a question for you…
Hope you guessed it correctly…
And I hope you do…

<3

Remenissions
by Avenged Sevenfold

With this ink in our skin we've sealed our fate,
and the axe comes early
(only naturally) So what does that matter?
There's a bed of skeletons waiting for me,
on the other side
They're waiting for my next move (next fatal breath)
Human lives to me seem so unreal, can't see through the fog
(nothing past a grey wall) see past the stereotype
Belief, structure built up in you.
I'll tear you down and the one who created you
If they didn't have One how would they act?
If we didn't have hope how would we behave?
Would they still feel remorse
if they slaughtered innocent beings?
Or is hope the only thing that keeps you sane?
A good friend once told me you are memory
without them we equal nothing
And all I can see is the place I wanna be
Suddenly my life was so free
Leaves at my feet, blown to the ground
their echoes are reaching my ears
Nights coming fast, suns going down
But keep away from me... keep away from me
(it's hard, to keep me in this place, keep away from me)
We may have created the beginning, mentally
We may have created the beginning, physically
To the end of our human existence...

I see through you
The fear that's in your eyes
A good friend once told me we are memory
Without them we equal nothing
And all I can see is the place I wanna be
Timeless my life was so free
Leaves at my feet, blown to the ground
their echoes are reaching my ears
Nights coming fast, suns going down - confused
I don't know the answers but neither do you

yeah baybeh!!!

1 final paper left and Os will be over!!! woohoo!!

im planning...

;)

~baby..im missing you...

and im always have this fucking tears at night..

(sigh)