Age gap?
What an excuse…
If thats the reason for the situation,
Then why am I here living in a fucking life
living in a motherfucking family..?


(sigh) life will never be fair…
Thanks nat and khalee for bringing up this topic during mt class
After the talk, I realised that im just one dumbass girl
Whos not grateful of having ‘understanding’ parents..??
Wtf??


haiz…
tell u the truth..
I don’t have the fucking mood for Hari Raya..
Whats the big deal? Of ‘happily collecting duit raya’ and u’re like preparing days ahead for o levels??
Moreover, I have to fucking knnccb miss the biggest concert ever in my whole fucking life!
Life WILL NEVER be fair for me..
And why must it be ME?
Why cant the ‘happy people’ face this situation..?
Why the emotional me?
Again?
!!!


Somehow, im jealous of other people’s parents
At least they know whats going on in the REAL WORLD..
And not being cocked up FULLY for the AFTERLIFE-?


Thinking about this always makes me feel super sad..really


When I reminisce the past and when it’s the 1st day of Hari Raya,


I will always be thinking:
Will my brother change after our parents passed away one day?
Will my mother care about my future?
Will my dad be less ego?
Will my 2nd sister stop being a bitch?
Will my 3rd sister understand the current situation our family is having?
Will my nieces and nephew stop making me abuse them?
I HAVE to love my family..

But hatred seems to grow…


Whats the point of living when everyone just minding their own things..


When I did not study and watching tv, parents would ask “azah tak blaja? Nak dekat o levels tau!”


When im inside my room STUDYING, they would still say “azah jgn kat dlm bilik je bleh tak? jage2 bdk2 tu la!”


When I am ‘layan’ing my nephew and nieces, still “azah g blaja la!”

Oi! I am fucking tired ok! What do you really expect me to do??
U never ask
U never know
And u never wanna know….


U guys always go for some stupid ‘motivational talks’ about handling teenagers..
But still.. things dint change!
U scolded me because I listened to music while studying..
U scolded me because I listened to a genre that u hated!
Doesn’t mean I have to fucking follow your ‘footsteps’ rite?


I know my dad knew about my blog
But it seems weird..
U know my blog..
Maybe u read my blog..
Still?
No guts to ask me whats the complication I am having???
FUCK!


In times like these, I am grateful to have friens with me…
CORRECTION- truthful friends- backstabbers not included

And I am very grateful to have boyfriend who accepts me for who I am…
He changed me and I LOVE HIM…

(sigh)
2 days before Hari Raya…

Sorry for all the shits that I had done and wrote in this blog..
Whoever yg terase, I wanna say “jgn buat prangai kau mcm pukimak” ok?


Selamat Hari Raya..
I hate nobody..
Just don’t make me hate you….


~ Hatreziee